Chelan Kozak: May 2010 Archives

From Chelan:

Okay so STILL laughing my ass off at the 'are you smarter than a Pony clubber'? I'm very likely not... But even as a pony clubber I was doing things I shouldn't and somehow getting away with it because I was entertaining. Case in point- there were only a few of us going preliminary at Rally one year. Somebody dared somebody to hop on the horses we were hand grazing. Bareback of course, halter and lead rope, no helmets and this was a stone age before anyone ever thought of an arm band. [Decked our in two inflatable vests each, wearing helmets, knee pads, and with a medivac chopper standing by]  One thing led to another and things got entirely out of hand. My buddy and I start to play tag on horseback with said un-pony club attire, while jumping in and out of the sand competition ring. Turns out the Rally head honchos were in the club house in full view (if they were smart they were drinking- imagine being in charge of a zillion pony clubbers!) Needless to say, the crap hit the fan.   Seriously, only a good cowboy type kid can stay on over a 3'3"- 3'6" hanging rail while bareback in the semi-darkness, while trying desperately to knock your friend off his horse. [Did I mention that we all wore inflatable vests?]  Not to mention the difficulty steering with a halter and lead rope just on one side!!  [And we never used Rollkur]  Remarkably, we were not eliminated. Not surprisingly, I never got my A rating in Pony Club, B2 was as far as I got. 

The REAL reason I'm writing is to report on NWEC in Washington. I should pre-empt the submission by saying that I was not actually there, so this is all second hand. When I am standing right at the scene, my stories have a way of growing and getting embellished for comic effect. Imagine how things go with second hand information. 

So, I had only one student going down there which meant that she was 'farmed out' for coaching. I was just back from Rolex and literally was still doing laundry. So, down she goes... she lays out a lovely test, well placed after and then sets of XC ready to rock and roll that INT course. I need to provide a little back ground about NWEC. It is a large piece of property on several different levels- imagine a series of 'steps' with flat areas in between. There are 3 different 'levels'. This provides fantastic terrain changes for the XC. Not the least of which is this man-from-snowy-river type hill, at like fence four or five. When I say hill, I actually mean long suicide drop off. Welcome to eventing on the west coast! The question is well done as the jumps at the top are very inconsequential, as the riders are too busy peeing themselves about this killer hill. I have been to NWEC countless times and not once seen a bad wreck there. Horses are not stupid, they don't just fall over on a steep hill, so the question is just great.

Anyhow, my rider tackles the hill with tremendous gusto, loses a stirrup en route to the bottom, and falls off when turning to the next fence at the bottom. Why? Because her girth is loose and so her saddle slips over to the side... I'm not entirely sure but I'm guessing SHE didn't make her A rating either! This client is a lovely woman in her 40's who has evented for years and knows better. Actually, anyone over the age of 8 knows better, and in fact an 8 year old pony clubber is far more likely to have a tight girth that the rest of us silly adults! My student was just fine and in typical go get 'em eventer style is already planning her next outing. This sport is cruel and we are all insane... 

Now, before you think I'm just plain mean by poking fun at my poor rider who was obviously gutted at the rubber meeting the road due to a 'wardrobe malfunction' (thank YOU Janet Jackson for that pearl of a phrase) think again. This second hand event report might just lead EN to another silly and likely amusing call for submissions. Namely- what is the silliest/weirdest/most ridiculous/most frustrating way you have been Eliminated?? Here's (one of) mine- it's 1996 and I had sponsorship to take my 4 star horse Soweto to Badminton. I also had another ADV horse at the time and thought it prudent to do Rolex one w/e with that horse and Badminton the next w/e with the other. This challenge despite the fact that my last name is not O'Connor, Davidson, or Dutton... 

So- one can imagine the planning, choreographing and organizing to get this done. I used a friend's jump saddle for Rolex, and shipped my gear over ahead of time with my Badminton horse. I had the borrowed saddle fitted to my Rolex horse, rode in it several times, and felt confident that we were completely prepared tack wise. Enter the dreaded weight pad... I never actually tried this borrowed saddle with my weight pad, and of course, it slipped and pressed on his withers during the competition. Steeplechase was a nightmare, the poor guy was very unhappy. We rigged it up as best we could in the vet box, and I set off XC, only to retire after fence 5 or so. The quick fix did me no good, and my poor horse was trying his heart out but getting stabbed in the withers every time he jumped. Did I mention this was a qualifying competition for the Olympics that year AND that I had a god dressage score? My girth was really tight, though... Over to the dear readers of EN, there have to be zillions of great 'I am an eventer and I did something dumb' stories out there. As they say- try to finish with a number not a letter, as E is NOT for excellence.

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