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Ridiculous Commentary: February 2010 Archives

Very Bad Day Avoided


The Pony Horse

Today was almost a very bad day. Well, actually it was a bad day anyway because a yearling colt reared up and struck me in the head, smashing my nose, which has now swollen twice its normal size.  (I'm typing this during 20-minute breaks between icings.)  But it was almost worse than that.
 

I almost lost The Precious, my phone
.  It isn't a BlackBerry, it isn't an i-phone, it doesn't have a slide-out keyboard or a touchscreen.  It's a Samsung Rugby, and it is the BEST PHONE EVER.  It takes pictures, video, music, all that standard modern stuff.  It allows me to check my email and browse most websites.  Oh, and it makes phone calls, too!

The email and internet, though, is what I value most.  It spares me from boring moments throughout the day, like waiting for the vet/farrier.  It allows me to stay current on news and sports scores, even in far-reaching locales.  I can read and respond to emails instantly, which John appreciates (among others).  Suffice to say, I am addicted to it.  It's like phone crack.

So earlier today, I was hacking the Pony Horse.  He's a fat, furry QH that I use for beginner lessons and ponying other horses.  He's completely bombproof, exceedingly lazy, and at the moment, extremely fat.  With the slight break in weather, it's time for him to find his inner Richard Simmons (I think he ate him) and hit the hills.  As with all rides, I had my cell phone with me.  We were hacking ambling out in the back country, when my phone alerted me I had an email.  I whipped out the ol' phone, signed in to email only to find more spam to delete.  While the phone was out, I decided I may as well check EN and see what John had to say this morning.

Unfortunately, at this very moment, fat Pony Horse arrived at a tiny creek crossing.  No big deal, he's cool with water.  He also likes to drink it...and he ripped the reins down jostling My Precious from my desperate grasp.  Like a slow-motion cartoon, swiping at thin air, I helplessly watched my phone land face-up in 3" of muddy running water.  I vaulted off Fatty faster than a Pony Clubber at Games Rally, scooped up The Precious and sent a desperate survival prayer heavenward.  The previous Precious (an LG), suffered an untimely death drowning in a water bucket, so I knew the utter fatality of what I had witnessed. 

I quickly (with wet, cold fingers) rescued the phone, shook it off, and removed the battery.  To my extreme relief, the battery and internal pieces were dry.  I tried not to get my hopes up, yet.  I had a pair of soft, thin deerskin gloves in my pocket, which can be fashioned into a semi-effective chamois cloth.  The buttons leaked water, and there was no telling if it had seeped into the screen.  I cursed the thirsty Fatty (looking at me stupidly with water dribbling from his chin), shoved the Precious pieces into my pocket, remounted and continued the hack. 

A few hills later, I was too impatient to wait for home, and put the phone back together (Fatty on autopilot).  Crossed my fingers, held my breath, and turned it on... it worked!!  It had a little short-term memory damage (insisted a text was unread, despite my reading and responding to it six hours prior), but since then it has been back to its old Precious self.  I'm not usually big into product-endorsement, but this Rugby phone is truly a horse-person's dream item.  It is extremely well-sealed, around the edges and the battery, which must have spared it a near-certain liquid death.  I can also attest to its ability to withstand significant shock, as it has been dropped with regularity, including an unfortunate slip from the 20' hayloft onto the paved barn aisle.  Nary a scratch!  It isn't invincible, though...it probably would not survive the death of Nokia Phone 1 (stepped on by shod hoof) or Motorola Phone 2 (fell out while on the tractor mowing, shredded to tiny pieces).  But for day-to-day hazards, it has held up remarkably well.

What can we learn from this story?  Don't browse EN while riding!  Or, at least, not while riding through creeks.  See John, it's all your fault.
 

Best of Craigslist, Third Edition


This photo has nothing to do with this post, but I'm sure you can find a LLAMAPILLAR for sale somewhere on Craigslist. 
What's the woolly worm weather prediction on this one?


Some things in life are forever certain: death, taxes, disappointing dressage scores, and stupid people trying to sell horses.  Once again my Craigslist storage bin is full of the ridiculousness that you all crave.  Here you go, dear readers, enjoy the feeling of superiority while it lasts.
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In this grand World Wide Web invented by Al Gore, there happens a unique, bizarre bazaar phenomenon of Craigslist.  Part eBay, part flea market, part redneck yard sale, Craigslist is a free-for-all classified site where good deals can be found in any category from cars to dishwashers to llamas.  It's like treasure hunting from your keyboard, and you never quite know what you'll find.  Craigslist frequently has a few equine-related listings; the quality and content of which may vary widely.  Thus, for your entertainment, we now bring you THE BEST OF CRAIGSLIST

 

Today's theme: Female horses under 4 years of age.

 


These are ACTUAL listings... you can't make this stuff up!




*paint filley quarter horse looks great* - $200 (oliver springs)


 

she is a 2yr old been turned out in paster fat and nice got to many to train she is big built and going to make a nice mare call anytime 865-661-6347 


  • Obviously this guy isn't one to waste words.  Or commas, or periods.  In addition to "filley" (is that French?), "paster," and incorrect version of "too," he is hereby issued a level 3 citation from the Internet Grammar Police. 

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*TN Walker Philly (AL)


 

19 Month old TN Walker Philly ready for training. Sire Pushers Black Thunder 926497, dame Pushers Peachy Stride 19903340. This Philly has great potential in the show ring this year. Must see to appreciate. Asking 500.00 OBO, Phone 606-668-6286
or 859-771-6965 for further information 


  • Tennessee Walkers from Philadelphia?  Are you sure?  There are some creative naming opportunities though, with the cross of Black Thunder and Peachy Stride.  Perhaps...It's Raining Peaches?    Surely you readers can suggest better....[comments!]


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Little Paint Philly - $500 (Casey county)


 

I HAVE A LITTLE PHILLY FOR SALE SHE WILL BE 2 YEARS OLD IN MAY, THE PHILLY'S MOM WAS A WALKING PONY, THE PONY'S DAD WAS A REGISTERED TWH PAINT. HER SIZE IS IN BETWEEN A HORSE AND PONY. SHE IS VERY GENTLE, I AM ASKING $500.00 FIRM, IF INTERESTED GIVE ME A CALL (606)787-7014 (SERIOUS CALLS ONLY PLEASE) THANKS


  • Well, despite the broken Caps Lock key, I will give this poster credit for use of complete phrases, including commas and even periods.  Once again, we have a Philadelphian equid, most likely of the gaited variety.  (Nothing against the gaited lifestyle, how you walk is your business.)  I'm not really sure what comes between a horse and a pony though...?  Is there a mysterious portal between 14.2 and 14.3 that I've never discovered?


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Reduced Parelli started filly-Mia - $500 (Richmond)


 

Serious inquires only, no boot kickers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Parelli started horse for sale.  I do beleive Mia is a Left-Brain Introvert and at times shows a bit of an Extrovert side. If you don't know what this is I recomend you go to the parelli website and look up horsanality under horse training, it describes her perfectly. She is very confedent horse, during our training it only took her a few trys to confadently cross a teeter toter, cross huge tractor tires, cross platforms, over logs through tarps, she loads well in the trailer, ties well, loves to splash in water, don't know about baths because where she has been staying we have had to haul water in and out. She is to go to a great home ONLY, the right person will have a lot of horse exsp. and a lot of natural horse exsp. Her biggest prob right now, is unless you prov to her that you are going to be a better leader then her, she will try to be dominent. I will not lie to you, I will tell you every flaw she has, it is just so important that she go to a good home, I don't want her to be ruined with some idiot, she does great with natuaral, so I want her to stay with it, she is around 21 months and stands 14hands tall I will have aplication for reg to be sure.  I prefer to be contacted through e-mail at first, I have a 2 yr old son, and if you call I can't garentee that I will have time to talk then. We are moving to Fl in about 3 wks, and I have a 30 old gelding I have to take too, so can't afford to take both. Thank you for your interest, must be to a good home!


  • Mama Mia.  My spell-check is lit up with red underlines all over this listing.  Internet Grammar Police has confiscated her keyboard.  Beyond that...I'm frankly scared.  Perhaps I need an expert in "horseanality" (that reads a little dirty, doesn't it?) to examine my own animal and determine why my horse will not complete a dog agility course.   Teeter-totters?  Really??  So that's what I've been missing...how 'bout no.  Keep your carrot stick to yourself, thanks.

Event Rider Look-a-Likes

The world's top event riders and their celebrity alternate identities... you be the judge!

Phillip Dutton                                  vs.           Roger Federer (tennis)

Olympic Gold Medallist                                     Olympic Gold Medallist

Lost count of number of USEA                           Lost count of  number of consecutive weeks ranked ATP #1 
Leading Rider of the Year titles.   


____________________________________________________________________________________

Jon Holling                                         vs         Michael Westen (played by Jeffrey Donovan in Burn Notice)

At home in Ocala, FL                                         At home in Miami, FL

Hobbies: shooting sporting clays                         Hobbies:  shooting bad guys

Originally from Wisconsin; appreciates dairy,       Favorite food: yogurt.
mac & cheese.

 

___________________________________________________________________________________

Holly Hudspeth                      vs.                              Debra Messing  (Will & Grace)
 
Completed North Georgia One Star at age 18            Was Junior Miss Rhode Island at age 18
Member of the US Pan Am team in 2003                  Named TV Guide's "best dressed woman" in 2003

 

____________________________________________________________________________________ 


Andrew Nicholson                          vs.                  Bond. James Bond.

Rider in England                                                     Spy for England

Accomplished horseman                                         Accomplished womanizer


____________________________________________________________________________________

          

Darren                                      vs.                       Zoolander

Eventing superstar                                                Fashion supermodel

Aiken vs. Ocala

Undoubtedly, Ocala, FL and Aiken, SC are the two premier US winter eventing training locations, but which is best?  I have been fortunate to spend two full winters in Ocala, and one in Aiken over the past few years, and this year I spent the first half of this winter in Ocala and am just beginning the second half in Aiken.  A few people have asked me the pros and cons of each city, so I thought I might compare them.

CostAiken (B-), Ocala (C-) 
    In my experience, Aiken is between half and one-third less expensive than Ocala.  A solid dry stall that costs $400 in Aiken costs $700 in Ocala.  Gas, groceries, hay, shavings, and living quarters are all cheaper in Aiken.  The only things that I think are equivalently expensive are top coaching and vet care.  Both locations are more expensive than most other places.

Weather: Ocala (A), Aiken (B)
    Ocala is 20 degrees warmer than Aiken and you never (hopefully) have to worry about snow in Florida.  Both have good enough weather to ride outside every day.  

Coaching Quality: Aiken (A), Ocala (A)
    The reason that Aiken and Ocala are the two top US winter training location is because they have the top selection of coaches.  David in Ocala and Phillip in Aiken draw the top riders, who are themselves good coaches, and a trickle-down effect takes over.

Nightlife: Ocala (B), Aiken (C+)
  The Horse and Hound wins it for Ocala.  Even though the H&H is overpriced, overcrowded, and slow, you can always have a good time visiting with friends because absolutely everyone goes there. Your other options are a cowboy night club and hip-hop bar combo, and Tony's Sushi (which is really tasty).  Aiken has karaoke night?

Footing: Aiken (B+), Ocala (B)
  Both Aiken and Ocala are sandy, so they handle the rain very well and never get rock hard. When most other places are muddy or covered in snow, sand looks good.  Aiken has better hills for conditioning, while Ocala is almost completely flat.

Aiken folks will tell you Ocala stinks, and vice versa, so lets put it up to a vote:

Rollkur: Why Should I Care?

We have been writing about the Patrik Kittel blue tongue feud from the very first days of the controversy.  Just to set the table, in our N&N post earlier today (if you have already read that just skip down to the ">"), we explained the recent developments whereby the FEI has banned Rollkur: A roundtable group of FEI officials has declared "any head and neck position achieved through aggressive force to be unacceptable" and "redefined hyperflexion/Rpllkur as flextion of the horse's neck achieved through aggressive force.  However, the FEI also said: "the technique known as Low, Deep, and Round, which achieves flexion without undue force, is acceptable."  Read the full FEI press release.  

As I wrote earlier: one thing to remember is that this whole issue really gained momentum after footage of Patrick Kittel (below) hit the internet.  After reviewing this footage and additional information, the FEI concluded that there was no evidence that Kittel used "excessive" techniques.  So if "excessive force" is no longer legal, but Kittel wasn't excessive, then has the problem been solved?

>Now, to the new stuff.  The reason that I have kept following this issue so closely is that I have seen a trend in eventing toward more modern dressage principles and practitioners.  Make no mistake, in my opinion, Rollkur is coming to a warm-up arena near you

Since many eventers, especially top eventers, work with pure dressage coaches, the growth of modern dressage within the pure dressage discipline has led to a growth of modern dressage within eventing.  This growth in eventing might be slower and weaker than within pure dressage, but, even just from watching warm-up arenas over the past year, I have seen more horses being ridden quite round and primarily from the outside rein.  Note that I am speaking from personal experience and from having talked with other riders, but I am not using any statistics or hard data.  

The furor of the Kittel controversy shows that the public is becoming much more sensitive to hyperflexion.  The FEI has responded to this sensitivity with the proclamation that "aggressive force" is unacceptable, which will lead to more attention of the warm-up rings but may or may not lead to a reduction of modern dressage if "aggressive" is too strictly defined.  I am certain that, having seen Kittel getting trampled by the fans and media over the past few months, many riders will be much more careful about the methods they use in public.  But as long as people who practice modern dressage, like Anky, keep winning, the trend toward modern dressage will continue until the FEI decides to take a stand against a particular frame, rather than a level of aggression.  

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