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Ridiculous Commentary: April 2010 Archives

Volume 23 * Number Two

By Visionaire on April 8, 2010 7:20 PM, Filed Under
An old friend returned today, one that I've been missing for quite some time.  Oh, how we used to spend long drives together, studying dressage tests and planning our show season.  Who is this dear old friend?

My paper Omnibus.

I was like a kid at Christmas today, gathering my mail from the post box.  I was excited to find a plain brown envelope from the USEA, sufficiently thick and heavy.  I tore open the wrapping, and my eyes beheld a bright, shiny, crisp booklet of treasures.  THE SUMMER OMNIBUS!  In print!  In my hot little hands to have, hold, and cherish!  I'm in love again!

I know, the information has been online this whole time.  But it's just not the same.  Something about the disorganized chaos of events strung together in an endless scrolling hyperlink list just made life more complicated.  And I'm a rather tech-savvy individual; surely I could navigate the USEA site with relative ease?  And yet, I can't.  I know, the whole thing is online and I can print it out, or copy/paste it into an Excel document.  But it's just not THE SAME as having that nifty book with the Bit Of Britain, Nutrena, and CoverAll ads, and never enough forms in the back.  What am I to do when I'm on the road, out xc schooling, or otherwise separated from an internet-linked computer?  (I do have a phone with limited internet capabilities-- but the USEA site is, um, waaaay beyond its comprehension.  And then there's that whole texting-while-driving thing, no thanks.) 

So, this year, despite all the penny-pinching, I bit the bullet.  I forked over the cash (I think it was a whopping $12) and ordered the REAL Omnibus.  And now that it's here, I would have paid twice that!  Why was I so slow on the uptake?  Why didn't I order it sooner?  There is peace in my competition schedule world again, simply from flipping the hard-copy pages of a 300-page black-and-white book. 

It is such a relief to have it again, riding shotgun on the dash of my truck, just an arms-length away when I need it most (driving home after a good/bad event and needing to make last-minute competition adjustments).  Once again I have access to precious information, like secretaries' phone numbers and email, future events listed by date/level, and Area Officials and Coordinators contact listings (um, how often does anybody really need that?).  The pages will soon be crinkled and dog-eared, the cover eventually ripped off, and notes written all over the margins.  It will be my Velveteen Rabbit.  (Only I don't plan to infect it with scarlet fever and burn it.) 

I know I'm not the only one who has struggled to enter events without my omnipresent compass.  Don't get me wrong-- I LOVE evententries.com, and it is a godsend-- but there's something about having the information in real life, in actual physical Einstein-ian organic matter, that cyberspace just can't replace.  I urge you to save some electrons...cut down some trees and buy yourself some happiness: a paper Omnibus.  (You can recycle it later.)

I'm blissfully happy right now.  And you know what's even better?  I pre-ordered the Fall one, too.  Santa comes twice this year!   

9

Best of Craigslist -- Life is Random

By Visionaire on April 8, 2010 7:45 AM, Filed Under
wtf-pics-dial-a-llama


It's time to dig into the dregs of my Craigslist box of absurdity.  Today's lineup is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you're gonna get.  Goats, killer llama, tattoos...the internet is indeed a vast, strange place.  If you stumble across a particularly good ad, submit it to VisionaireEN@gmail.com and it might make the next BoC! 


------------------------- 

In this grand World Wide Web invented by Al Gore, there happens a unique, bizarre bazaar phenomenon of Craigslist.  Part eBay, part flea market, part redneck yard sale, Craigslist is a free-for-all classified site where good deals can be found in any category from cars to dishwashers to tarantulas .  It's like treasure hunting from your keyboard, and you never quite know what you'll find.  Craigslist frequently has a few equine-related listings; the quality and content of which may vary widely.  Thus, for your entertainment, we now bring you THE BEST OF CRAIGSLIST. 


If you think Craigslist is only for equids...



LAND CLEARING GOATS (starting at $75.  Alachua County)

One Goat, One Acre per year. Clearing, maintaining and, bonus, Fertilizer. Sell surplus goats for extra cash. They Eat Weeds and improve pastures. Goats can be used for Agricultural Exemption. They trim trees up and maintain making it easy to maneuver and see in the woods. Goats are easy keepers, sociable, good companions for people and animals. If you like they can be milked and the milk used to make cheese, yogurt or ice cream.
We have percentage Boer GOATS FOR SALE $75.00 and up. Gainesville Fl.
  • Bonus, fertilizer?  Sell surplus goats?  Somehow I don't see this as being a good idea.


Llama - Guard Purposes Only!

Beautiful fully intacked red & white male Lama. For Guard Purposes Only! Lugie knows his job; and, does not differentiate whether he removes a varmit, a human, or a vehicle from the pasture he is protecting. Extremely protective of 'his' designated area. Dangerous and unpredictable; absolutely not for the novice owner. Great guard for goat, sheep, or cattle herd. No problems with other animals that belong where he is located; just everything and anything else intruding. Halter-broke, will lead, will come when called. I cannot stress enough how dangerous this animal can be . . . he almost killed me! Would prefer he not go to anyone in the Tidewater area; would be great in a mountain pasture situation, where coyotes are a problem. Make me an offer I cann't refuse.       Chesapeake, VA

  • Um, perhaps the animal might be less dangerous if he were "un-tacked?"  And what kind of offers is he going to refuse for an animal that tried to kill him?  (thanks to one of our loyal readers for emailing this listing to us!) 



More crazy trade deals...


Want to trade tattoo work for horse/by professional artist

Date: 2010-02-27, 11:20AM EST

 

I'm looking for a horse or two for the wife. Weanlings (6 months and up), yearlings or broke adult gelding or mare. In return, I'm a professional tattoo artist and can tattoo in exchange for the horse or horses. I have flash art to choose from or you pick your own tattoo, sleeves or separate tattoos you tell me. I do have a portfolio to review. Can email photos of some of my work to you. Safe, sterile, bright colors and professional attitude have over 15 years experience not some young amateur.

Email me with picture and description of horse and temperment.

Thanks


  • Who'd have thought tattoo ink could be valuable currency?  Only on Craigslist.



Im looking to trade miniature horses for classic cars - $10 (somerset ky )

Date: 2010-03-05, 6:34PM EST

 

I have about 250 miniature horses all have papers. Im willing to trade on about anything. you can email me for more info.


  • 250 minis?!  That seems a bit excessive.  Perhaps a little hoarding disorder, maybe?  Or is this a "mini mill?"  How many minis would you want for a '72 Mustang?


Gender identity crises...


!~!~!~!~!HORSE!~!~!~!~! (OWSLEY/BOONEVILLE)

Date: 2010-03-25, 11:07AM EDT

think he may be a gelding, not sure, no papers, but he is 14-15 hands high, chestnut color with flax color mane, about 7 years old, broken to ride if u know how to ride.

  • "Not sure"?  Either there are parts...or there aren't.  Methinks that's kind of important to know before you acquire a horse.  


two cheap horses make offer/trade

Date: 2010-02-26, 1:11PM EST

i have two standerd breed horses for sale one mare and one male! the mare is broke but has no been rode for a few years and the male is not broke and he is being called a male instead of a stud because i don't know if he has been cut or not i can't see a sack but he is supposed to be a stud both horses are real gental i can walk upto eighter one in the pasture or the yard both horses will stat behind one strand of barb wire! i know this because a few weeks ago some of my fence post rotted off and a whole section of fence fell down and they never offered to come out! i will sell these two horses real cheap but i will not give them away for the right price i will include a new saddle never been on a horse and a new bridle and some old tack i have! so make me an offer! i'm only selling these two horses because i fell off a load of logs afew years back and messed my back up and cant ride over 10 minutes at atime! i keep the horses hopeing to get better so i could ride them but after 2 years i know i can't! they must go to a good home will sell seperate! I WILL TRADE FOR ALMOST ANYTHING SO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE! i can also deliver the horse for a fee!

  • Well, at least he's sure one's male, despite the lack of visible "sack."  Good to know that they stay (I'm assuming "stat" is a typo) behind a strand of barbed wire, and won't wander when your rotten fence falls down.  Yikes.

13

Where Eventing Went and How to Get It Back: Some Guy's Take

By John on April 8, 2010 12:08 AM, Filed Under
eventingnationlogobumperstickergoeventing.jpg

Katie's article "Where Have All The Good Times Gone" has generated a great deal of discussion here on Eventing Nation and elsewhere.  In our very first post ever, I explained that I wanted Eventing Nation to be a forum for eventing's great thinkers and ideas, and I want to thank Katie and everyone who has participated in this ongoing discussion for helping EN to be just that.

Eventers everywhere seem frustrated and concerned, even angry.  This frustration doesn't have one origin or cause, but it has built up gradually over time as people have watched novice riders wheeling their courses, as we have seen professionals running their top horses at as many four-stars as possible until they break down (and then at two more), and as some imported super-mover is ridden in near hyperflexion and extended trot around a training test and scores a 15.  

As I read Katie's article, and the comments here and on the COTH thread (which the great Denny started), I noticed that a lot of the frustration comes from situations where eventing has been turned against itself through forces well beyond the control of us eventers. Consider some of the conflicts and resulting choices that have made eventing what it is today:

(1) One such conflict arises from the sacrifice of the upper-level long format to appease the Olympics.  As Katie noted, there are multiple opinions and explanations as for how the long format CCI's faded, and some reasons are certainly better than others, but according to several people very high on the food chain, the ultimate reality was either lose the long format or lose the Olympics.  

(2) Once the long format departed, our sport was once again faced with a conflict.  Without the extreme endurance component to XC, we had to choose between losing XC as a competitive factor, essentially making eventing a combined test, or dramatically cranking up the technicality of the cross-country.

(3) Then, since the upper level courses became more technical, we were faced with yet another tough choice between ratcheting up the technicality of the lower level courses or allowing a massive disconnect to form between the levels.

As a result of these conflicts, eventing stayed in the Olympics, made four-stars more technical, and then started putting corners on novice courses.  I'm not sure that I disagree with any of those choices made at each of the above conflicts, but I'm uneasy when I look at where we ended up.


Another such line of conflicts is leading to a similarly unsettling result:

(1) It starts with the notion that we want to grow eventing and spread our beloved sport, and we'd like to see better mainstream media coverage and recognition.  I'm the kind of person who would like to see a great XC ride in the SportsCenter Top 10 someday.  The professional riders want better prize money at competitions, and better sponsorships, and, considering that Kobe makes more in about 3 preseason games than the Rolex Grand Slam pays, who can blame them?  Heck, with entry fees as high as they are these days, who can blame anyone for wanting prize money at events?

(2) But, as prize money, media coverage, and sponsorship money grows, the incentive to win increases and horsemanship starts to become costly.  Riders start blasting around horse trials at Mach 10 to score year-end award points.  Furthermore, as I watched them hand out checks to the top 10 riders at The Fork, I wondered briefly if $1,000 dollars was enough to make anyone run faster this weekend than they should have to prepare for Rolex.  We offer $350,000 for winning three four-stars in a row and then get appalled when a rider does everything possible to win, including run his amazing horse off its legs.  The dark secret of our sport is that horsemanship and winning sometimes conflict, and for every $1 more in incentives you offer to win, you occasionally make good horsemanship that much more expensive. 

So, as we look back on the choices we have made, we see a vibrant, growing, more popular than ever, more profitable than ever sport, and yet we also see people making absurdly stupid decisions for their horses, and we watch those decisions trickle down to their students.  Perhaps I should have mentioned at the beginning that this is not a happy article.

----

After looking back on how our sport has been turned against itself, at how several incremental and possibly correct decisions have led us to frustrating places, we are left with wondering what can be done?  It's easy to present a long list of complaints , but it's harder to propose solutions.

Should we run backwards?  Should we return four-stars to that lovely true test over miles and miles of four phases with gallopy and flowing courses, despite the fact that we would probably lose the Olympics?  Should we run the sponsors off and reduce the already paltry prize money in the hope of making horsemanship less expensive?  Even if going back to the good old days was practically possible (it isn't), I still wouldn't settle for backtracking because I don't think we need to.  Now, onto the solutions.


Three changes in our sport that are both practical and pretty simple to implement are:

(1) Increased transparency in the form of better communication of governance and other major issues to the eventing public.  Eventing is an intelligent, tightly-knit community of forward thinkers, and most of our leaders are lifetime horsepeople.   This makes transparency a much more realistic possibility in our sport than, say, between the Congress and the American people.  The eventing "powers that be," so to speak, should understand that making the public more aware of how major issues are debated and decided upon might be uncomfortable but will ultimately make the public feel more invested in the outcome and less 'in the dark.'  The next time our sport fundamentally changes, I hope I won't be writing about it several years later and saying "there are multiple opinions and explanations for how this happened..."

Note: I'm not singling out any particular organization, and I'm not even singling out equine governing bodies in general.  I am saying that any time our sport starts to change, there is value in helping the public to understand what changes are happening and why.


(2) Increased leadership by eventing professionals both by getting involved in the governance of eventing and by communicating their insights to the eventing public.  By 'professional,' I don't just mean professional riders, but anyone deeply involved in our sport, including organizers, officials, vets, farriers, etc.  These professionals need to be as involved as possible in our governing organizations, and in the dialogue of eventing.  Three years ago, the professionals might have been able to complain about not having a voice, but not any more.  Almost every professional has a website, certainly everyone has a Facebook, every third professional has a blog, and many pros are starting to write for major websites or magazines.

As an aside, since not everyone has a blog, and because not every media outlet wants to deal with the tough issues, consider this a standing invitation that any professional who wants to write a well-informed and insightful article about a meaningful eventing issue, I will gladly publish it here on Eventing Nation.  With 2,000 visits a day, and over 3,500 unique visitors a week, and our network of friends in the media, close to half the US eventing public will read what you write.  Professionals no longer have any excuse whatsoever for not being heard.

What's so encouraging is that if you speak with them in private, many professionals are well informed about the current eventing issues and they have great ideas about improving our sport.  We just need to get them talking to everyone, which will ultimately take more motivation to reach out than most professionals have displayed thus far, but two things that would help professionals in this endeavor are:

-Better questions and support from us in the media.  If we just keep asking about how awesome the XC course rode or how many dogs they have, then we are part of the problem and not part of the solution.  

-Understanding from the fans, and an appreciation that they are willing to take the risk of making their voice heard, whether or not we agree with their conclusions.  Whether right or wrong, there is a perception among professionals that the few times they have tried to stick their necks out, they have gotten shot down and torn apart.  Dialogue should be intellectually honest and disagree whenever necessary, but it should always be polite and respectful.

(3) A better link between the will of the eventing public and the changes that occur in eventing.  Do you see the progression?  First we need transparency to tell us what is going on, then we need leadership from the professionals to help us decide on the best course of action, and then we need the ability to help that happen. Eventing is a wonderful sport because if you don't know an influential person (which almost everyone does), you certainly know someone who does, and you will see at least 30 influential people at every competition.  Furthermore, local Area organizations, and even the national governing organizations have relatively straightforward steps for joining boards or getting involved in other ways.  Going to a governing convention (the USEA's is in AZ this year) is yet another fantastic way to be immersed in the decision making of eventing.  

On the flip side, the "powers that be" should do everything possible to enfranchise the public and therefore invest them in the resulting change.  A lot of the frustrations and anxieties people are expressing about the changes in our sport would be mitigated if they felt like they had been more involved in the decision making.


In summary, I'm asking the most influential people in eventing to keep us better informed about changes in our sport, I'm asking the professionals to give us their honest and straightforward insights, and I'm asking all of us to make an effort to be more involved in the process of reaching decisions.  These ideas are far from perfect, but the best I can ever hope for is that they stimulate thought and conversation.  I understand that working for positive change is always harder than watching things go wrong and then complaining about them.  But, hope remains if you, like me, are filled with the belief that eventers are an inherently special type of people who can, by toughness, mental instability, and a little luck accomplish great things.  I hope that, as you read this, you sense the many other eventers who are also reading this, and that we all, together, appreciate the great responsibility that lies before us as stewards of our great sport.  Go eventing.
36

April Fools in the H&H Classifieds

By John on April 5, 2010 10:05 AM, Filed Under
It seems EN was not alone in our April Fools shenanigans.  The below add was published as an April Fools joke in the Horse and Hound's classified section:
----
The Last Unicorn
Price: price on application
Telephone: (0800) 7310616
County: n/a
Height: 18.1hh
Mobile: 0203 148 ****

18 HANDS This fantastic stallion will make you fly. Floating paces, not spooky. Easy and kind temperament & to handle. Good to do in every way, excellent conformation. Confident XC, DR, SJ - Jumps everything for fun, water, ditches etc. Well travelled, no vices. Suit amateur or professional. 5* home only. The perfect fantasy . £P.O.A (Narnia) ONO. Tel: (0800) 731**** / 0203 148 ****. ()


----

Thanks to TA for sending this to us.  As an aside, I heard much more about people being fooled by EN's April fools joke about a new five-star event as the weekend progressed.  All I will say is that there are some very powerful people in eventing who are both avid readers of EN and very very gullible.  Go eventing.

2

Breaking News: Chattahoochee Hills NOT Hosting CCI5*

By John on April 3, 2010 4:26 PM, Filed Under

Fools in April: Someone who I will describe as a very important person in eventing came up to me today and said that multiple people have approached them this weekend shocked and concerned about the news that the FEI is having a 5-star event next year.  We both found this extremely funny, but I guess I should make things 100% clear: our story about Chattahoochee Hills hosting a 5-star next year was an April fools joke.  I posted the story under "Ridiculous Commentary," on April Fools Day, and explained in the "more info" link that it was an April Fools joke.  But, I guess the story has spread a lot farther than I expected.

Of course, as with every good joke, their is a vein of truth running through it.  Bouckaert Farms at Chattahoochee Hills is absolutely a world class facility that is going to be an icon of US eventing for years to come.  They are hosting the Area III championships in May and the AECs this fall, and if they want to host a 4-star (or a 5-star) it's probably only a matter of time.
1

Breaking News: Chattahoochee Hills to Host World's First CCI5*

By John on April 1, 2010 5:30 PM, Filed Under

The Fork is buzzing today with the news that the FEI has selected Chattahoochee hills for the site of the fist ever CCI5* (yes, five stars) in the fall of 2011.  Rumors have swirled for years about bringing a fall four-star to Carl Bouckaert's incredibly nice 800 acre facility, but this is unprecedented news.

The FEI has not officially confirmed the news yet, but I sent them an email, and I spoke to someone close to the situation who verified the story and said "we spent 5-star money building 5-star facilities, and we didn't want to settle for a 4-star event."  

Information is still sketchy at this point, but from what I have heard, the 5* XC will be competed at a speed of 620 mpm and a maximum height of around 1.35 meters.  No word yet on qualifying requirements.

I have been beating the drum for a while now that the Chattahoochee Hills facilities are some of the nicest in the World, which is obviously a must for hosting a 5*.  Chatahoochee Hills is located just miles from Atlanta, which will provide strong spectator support.  We will have much more information later, so check back soon.  More info

6
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